Question:
i am bringing 2 cats (Stanley and Suzanne, son and mother) in to live with my cat (Xuxa, female). i separate them most of the time. when i get home i let 1 cat out to the same area as Xuxa. first i introduced Suzanne to Xuxa. Xuxa is terrified, hisses and growls. Suzanne is not afraid and approaches, likes to be within a few feet and will follow if Xuxa runs, but does not attack. Stanley is bigger, but more mellow so i took suzanne back into the bedroom suite and let Stanley out. he does the same as Suzanne but not so aggressively. Xuxa responds the same way with Stan.
they have long periods where they just sit in the same room staring at each other. Stanley is at ease and rolls over some, Xuxa is alert and weary, after a while she starts to calm down and wander away, Stanley follows and they go through the same thing again.
any advise, am i torturing my cat with little hope for them all getting along.
Answer:
Its best to separate them and introduce them slowly... first sniffing each under under the door etc before actually seeing each other.
Its going to be more difficult than bring a kitten in as there will be a fight for terriory etc with older cats that doesn't apply with kittens. Last year I introduced a 7 year old cat to my three and it took them close to a year to tolerate each other and only lately do i find them curled up together. So don't expect them to get on right away.
Here is a good post with quite a lot of recommendations from users.
and a good article on how to introduce them properly
http://www.littlebigcat.com/index.php?action=library&act=show&item=cattocatintroductions