Question:
I cant see straight and my head hurts from crying so bad as I am typing this let you all know that Keedis passed away this morning,,,,

I loved him so much and I still do,,,i keep thinking I hear him calling me,,,,,Im sick to my stomach and I feel like it is all my fault!!

Yesterday, he screamed ALL day at the top of his lungs, it didnt matter what CRaig and I did, he screamed, ....I was so frustrated and aggrivated that I took him down to Corbins room to try and calm him down, just give him some alone time with mom,,well he screamed even louder, so I was going to put him in his cage and voer him up to give him some quiet time,,,when I was walking back down the hall with him he started flapping his wings like crazy,,,so I held his wings down with my hands,,,,,,I was sscared he was going to jump off my hands and hit the floor (anyone whose been around birds knows how hard they hit the floor when they fall) so I went to put him in his cage (that was already partially covered) , but i was still holding his wings down, when I set him in his cage (I assume by holding his wings I completly knowcked him off balance) that he panicked for not having his balance to perch right away and being put into a dark cage...so he literally jumped out, he hit me, I tried to grab him but when I did he flapped even harder and fell to the floor,,,only when he fell he hit Sashas big knuckle bone!! I FREAKED, picked him up, checked him over completly and I started crying my eyes out,,,,,,he was so panicked,,,I dont know why, I have no clue what happened,,he was all out of sorts completly,,,

I put him on the table,,,checked him over again and noticed he was missing some feathers under his lower beak,,but it wasnt red, bleeding or swelled,,so I called the vet and she said as long as hes eating, drinking, no heavy breathing, basically acting like himself give him a few days and he shoudl be back to himself,,,,,,,,,I felt reassured becuase he was just acting sore,,,,he was still drinking, perching, and he was very alert,,,when he would fall asleep i was say Keedis,,and he would wake right up and look at me,,,,very alert,,,before putting him to bed, I gave him a cracker, he munched away on it but didnt really eat it, which is normal, he never eats at night time,,,,,when he was on his perch, I said Step up, he steped right up, I said give mama kisses and he did ....he was acting 100 % normal,,,,except he was quiet,,which I figured was because the fall shook him up and he was still confused and sore by it all,,,,,,,,I checked him before going to bed,,,still very alert, as soon as I said his name,,he opened his eyes and looked right at me, once again, I made him step up, he did,,I felt 100% confident that he was okay,,,I woke up this morning,,,first thing I always do is uncover him,,,,,,and there was my precious baby lying on the bottom of his cage,,I screamed,I cried, i panicked,,,I was a mess,,,THANK god Craig was home,,,,

All morning, I threw up, I cried, I completly blamed myself,,,,,if only I had let him be, why the heck did I take him down the hall?? why was Sashas bone laying there? why did I try and put him into a dark cage,,,,,,,,it was me completly,,,I felt so guilty,,,

Then as Craig and I talked, i realized he was so loud yesterday, even when i talked to him he screamed, he didnt play at all yesterday, he sat on his boing and screamed literally non stop,,,,,,,he wasnt himself yesterday at all,,why didnt I notice this??????? I felt so horrible,,

Then we started thinking about everything,,,,,my stupid landlords have been letting people smoke in their house like crazy for about the last mth,,,I didnt think much of it, it was upstairs, but I know I could smell it down here, one night it was even smokey down here,,,,,,,I was mad, but they own the house, not much I can do but move out,,,,,then yesterday it was so bad that Craig had to go in the room and shut the door,,,,,hes allergic to it and he could barely see his eyes were watering so much, he was coughing, sneezing and starting to wheeze,,,,,then it hit me,,OMG if it affected Craig then it would have afected Keedis 10 times worse,,,

Theres so much that could have happened,,myabe one my cats scratched him?? 3 nights ago I woke up becuase keedis was having a night fright ,,when i ran out,,Kody was on top of the bird cage,,,maybe he reached in and scratched him?? who knows?? but I hate the fact that I called the vet about the bone incident and I didnt clue in until it was to late that he wasnt himself,,,,I feel like Ive been run over by a truck,,,,I dont know what to think,,,I loved him so much, more than I ever thought possible, he was my little man, I did everything with him, showered with him, we took him in the car for drives(not in the winter),,,he ate with us,,everything,,,Im stunned, cant believe it,,,,,,I am so incredibly sad and I cant stop thinking about him,,,

Im going to miss you little guy, you were the best bird on the face of the earth,,,and I am so sorry that I didnt take care of you better,,,but I loved you so much and I will miss you even more!!


Answer:
I'm sorry about Keedis, Brandy. When I saw this post, I thought for sure you had put it in the wrong section. Don't blame yourself.


Answer:
Thanks Candice, its hard not to blame myself,,,I should have realized he was out of sorts before it was to late,,,I figured he was having a bad day,,,,,

Hes fallen before,, he fell off of the top of his cage one day and he hit the floor, HARD,,,but he shook his head and within 5-10 mins he was back to himself,,,,I cant imagine out of all the floor space he could have hit yesterday, why did he have to hit the bone? Why didnt I say anything to them upstairs for smoking?? they dont let them smoke in their house so they make them smoke in the porch,,which is right outside my inside door(I have a door inside , that leads upstairs to the washer and dryer, and then my door to go outside) they make them smoke in the laundry room so they dont have to smell it,,,but yet I do,,,I SHOULD have said something,,,,,but I didnt, also they got a febreze smelly thing that is STRONG, I smell it downstairs,,,I shoudl have told them, that stuff is deadly to Keedis,,BUT I DIDNT,,,,,I didnt even think about it, ,,I dont know,,,,and Ive thought of so many things that could have done it, maybe it was the cat, maybe it was the bone, maybe he had an infection that I didnt notice, maybe it was a combination of both, I dont know, but I feel like I didnt do my part in protecting him, and i feel horrible,,,,,,he is in my freezer now, hes going to be buried in our back yard this summer, ....

He onnly turned one 2 days ago,,,,,,,,,, I cant even begin to clean out his cage, I keep waiting to walk into the living room and see him sitting in it, I have the door open,,,dont ask me why.....I have it uncovered, just like hes in there,,,I havent lost a pet since I was a little girl and I didnt rememebr it hurting this much,,


Answer:
Im so sorry. Blame is the first thing you will do, but being at fault is the last thing from being right in that situation. What a hard one. I know Keedis was your baby. I hope he will rest over the bridge and shine down on you until you someday meet again.
Sometimes when the big man at the bridge cannot help one of his creatures from a far, he brings them to be closer so he can help them.


Answer:
oh Brandy, I am so sorry to hear about Keedis. He had a good life with you and knows you did your best for him. Don't blame yourself. So many things happen that are just beyond our control no matter what we do.


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Thanks guys!!

Ive been sitting here running everything through my mind,,,,,,, my cats have bene stalking Keedis like crazy for the last week,,,,even Kaymen who was PETRIFIED of him,,,,she jumped up on the wall one day and tried to grab him, and Kody everyday is after him,,,,once I spray him with the water he usually stops,,but do you suppose they knew something was wrong with him? considering they didnt go near him at all until the last week??


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I'm very sorry for your loss. Like Candice, I was sure you'd posted in the wrong sectionwhen I first saw this


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you have no idea how badly I wish I had posted this is the wrong section!!



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Brandy you are in my thoughts. YOu gave Keedis the best life he could have ever asked for, you and your family are in my thoughts. Dont blame yourself theres nothing you could have done.


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Oh Brandy!! I am just heart broken to read this. I am so sorry I am here if you want to talk.