Question:
Please pay attentin to these incurable Cat Illnesses:
Collapsible Legs:
Symptoms: The affected cat places one side of its head on the ground as
though cheek -marking the concrete, carpet, etc. After several such
manoeuvres, the legs on that side of the cat suddenly collapse, leaving the
cat waggling its feet in the air.
Treatment: This involves placing the palm of one hand on the exposed belly
and rubbing gently. There is side effect though some feline sufferers attack
the rubbing hand while others recover spontaneously, often after prolonged
treatment. This condition is probably incurable and any cat which required
prolonged treatment after an attack will most likely suffer repeated attacks
of collapsible legs throughout its lifetime.

Snudging:
Symptoms: The affected cat repeatedly head butts any available part of a
readily available human and turns its head slightly so that the lips and
cheek are rubbed against legs, arms, clothing, etc. This condition gets its
name from a contraction of the phrase "soggy nudging". Snudging may well be
a form of excessive scent marking. A bad attack can result in soggy clothing
Treatment: Give the sufferer lavish affection. Most attacks subside between
ten minutes and one hour after the onset of symptoms. You may need to dry
off snudged clothing or skin. Attacks reoccur frequently, usually when the
most readily available human is engrossed in a TV program, book, newspaper,
or telephone call.

Bed-Hogging
Symptoms: The cat spreads to its full breadth and length and takes up all
available free bed space at night when its human is trying to sleep. It then
expands a bit more until any human occupant occupies the smallest possible
area of the bed. It may do this on top of or underneath the duvet and
blankets or on the pillow. It is highly contagious and will affect any other
cat on the bed. Attacks of bed-hogging have been know to last up to 23 hours
and in one case 3 days when the human was in bed with the flu.
Treatment: Try not to give way as the cat expands. Buying a bigger bed is
pointless as most affected cats can easily expand to fill standard, queen
and king sized beds. The only alternative is to train yourself to sleep
while hanging precariously off the side of the bed.
Non-Specific Insect Infestation & Non-Specific Spider Infestation
Symptoms: This disorder is more prevalent among cats that go outdoors and
cats with access to conservatories and garden rooms. Symptoms range from
minor (the odd greenfly in tail, money-spider on fur) to severe (entire
ecosystems of insects living on the cat, spider webs spun between ears &
whiskers).
Treatment: Minor symptoms can be treated by simply removing the infesting
agent (aphid, ladybug, spider, etc.) and combing webs out of the fur. If the
cat suffers recurrent or sever symptoms an exercise regime is highly
recommended since mobile cats appears to attract fewer greenfly.
Irritable Lap Syndrome
Symptoms: The cat appears unable to settle comfortably on laps, instead
treading, kneading, rearranging itself, fidgeting, vocalizing, getting up
and turning around, falling off lap and getting back on again, attacking
magazine, needlework, computer keyboards, telephones, etc.
Treatment: Immediate treatment is essential. Drop whatever you are doing
(literally if need be) and give 100% attention to the sufferer otherwise
symptoms may escalate and become quite distressing to the lap-owner. Only
prolonged attention will cure an attack of Irritable Lap Syndrome. Like
Collapsible Legs this syndrome is incurable, although attacks may be
effectively treated as and when they occur.
Lap Fungus Disorder
Symptoms: Having taken over a human lap, the cat proceeds to spread in all
directions. This may be accompanied by secondary symptoms such as high
volume purring, dribbling, kneading and snoring. The condition is highly
contagious and several fungoid cats may infest a lap simultaneously.
Treatment: Topical treatment with proprietary anti-fungals is ineffective.
Prompt treatment (as per Irritable Lap Syndrome) is required to alleviate
the worst symptoms and only prolonged attention will cure an attack.
Although in a number of cats, such treatment actually exasperates the
condition. This disorder manifests itself periodically throughout the
affected cat's life and there is no long-term cure.
Smurgling
Symptoms: Symptoms are varied and range from sucking at clothing, human's
earlobes/nose/fingers/ skin, and drooling with a glazed _expression, often
accompanied by kneading and high volume purring.
Treatment: Smurgling is incurable but it is possible to remove smurglable
items from around the cat. The ailment may be transmitted to humans in the
form of large laundry bills, misshapen clothing and chapped skin.

Greeblingz
Symptoms: Random dashes up to and including helter-skelter running through
the house in pursuit of unseen prey. Greeblingz are believed to be
non-visible entities and some authorities have linked them to UFO sightings
or feel that they may be diminutive other-dimensional beings. Cats suffering
from Greeblingz typically have wild-eyes expressions. There is a minor
danger of Greeblingz attaching themselves to humans, if a cat attacks such a
Greeblingz, injury to the human may result.
Treatment: None known. Anti-epileptics are ineffective as the condition
appears unrelated to other forms of seizure. Avoid getting in the way of a
cat engaged in Greeblingz hunting. Attacks usually subside spontaneously,
perhaps as Greeblingz return to their own dimension. These irritating
creatures are not visible to human eyes, but no doubt the superior sight and
hearing of cats enable them to see them


Answer:

OMG!!!!!!! Aspen has quite a few of those Illnessess.... Im glad you gave us instructions on how to cure it...
thank goodness he doesnt have the... Non-Specific Insect Infestation & Non-Specific Spider Infestation ... although he does get the sand infestation when he gets the Collapsible Legs outside!!!!
and he doesnt get the.... Irritable Lap Syndrome.... instead he gets the almost on the lap irritable syndrome...
nor does he get the..... Lap Fungus Disorder
or the....... Smurgling...
but he does get the ........ Greeblingz quite often!!!! as a matter of fact that is the illness I see in him the most!!!!!!!!!
The only alternative is to train yourself to sleep
while hanging precariously off the side of the bed.
I have learned to do this on my king size bed... lol.....
thanks for sharing those with us!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I almost fell outta my chair after I read the first few lines hehehehe......


Answer:
Good one!