Question:
Your situation really touches my heart deeply, I can feel your pain and anxiety in your words. I used to have a job I worked at that I had loved, but for some reason I started to gradually struggle and go downhill emotionally until even just coming in the door at work in the morning made me want to close the door to my little office and cry. It got debilitating and I finally had to take short-term disability. I felt guilt about it, they were short-staffed and I felt I was putting a huge burden on my co-workers who would have to pick up my "slack."
I spoke to a psychiatrist and took about a month off to heal. I felt I was doing better, my anxiety and depression seemed to ease off more, I didn't feel so "trapped." That's the only word I can really think to describe it, I felt trapped, even though my job was not miserable, was not something I abhorred doing by any means.
I felt ready to return and did so, but that day it all came crashing back. My supervisor said maybe it was too soon yet, and I had to leave again and extend my time out.
Ultimately I ended up taking a new direction with my life, I made the decision what it was I wanted to do and pursued that. It took some time, and there was hardship on the way, and I felt for a long time I had failed my workplace that had been so good to me. But in the end I know I did the right thing. It was a very difficult time but I have never gotten to the point I was at then again.
This may not be what you need by any means, but perhaps some change, whether it be job-related or just in general life-related, is what you are craving and needing. I think counseling, or even just talking with close friends and family, to get to the root of things, think about what it is that deep down you may be craving to change in your life. Of course, treatment for depression may also really help in this too. I truly hope you are able to get out of this 'rut' you feel stuck in. At least, that is how I felt, and I empathize with you.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I am sending warm {{hugs}} across the miles to you.


Answer:
Thank you very much for your replies and advice everyone - and for sharing your own experiences. You certainly made some good points here!
K9soul, what you described sounds so familiar to me. "Trapped", is exactly the right word for it. Not only regarding to my job, but also when I'm thinking about my perspectives in case I'm losing this one. Jobs have become so rare here (at least jobs that are paid well enough to make a living of it), and I'm 41. And the unemployment agencies put so much pressure on you these days. I'm very worried that I won't be able to work until I'm 67!
And actually, I like my job (the actual work), but there are so many things going on there that just take a lot of energy from you (cannot go into detail here), and I feel it's not healthy for me.
Working from home may be possible in a couple of years, but not now. And working only part time is impossible because I depend on my full income (please don't think that I'm greedy for money, but I need to be able to pay my rent and bills). Life in Germany has become expensive during the last couple of years.
lizbud, I already talked to my doctor about ruling out a medical condition. I will see her again on Tuesday, and will also have some blood tests done. It could be that my Hashimoto's is acting up again (an auto-immune disease that destroys your thyroid gland). I'm on thyroid hormones for years, but as I was so busy all the time, I didn't have it checked as regulary as I should have. Maybe they have to chance my meds. This extreme fatigue could very well be thyroid related, been there before when I was hypo-thyroid. Also, I often have a lack of Vit. B12, Vit. C, and Ferritin (sorry, I cannot find the correct translation for this). All this could be very well responsible for how I'm feeling.
Regarding a long holiday: I would desperately need one, I guess, but it's just not possible. I'm not in the financial position to go on holiday, and I'm not allowed to go on holiday during the summer. I have asked for two weeks in November, and one week at the beginning of May (which will most likely be cancelled because I'm on sick leave now).
But I'm really a nervous wreck by now. Even little things that do not work make me want to cry and run away, and I can hardly concentrate on things, not even reading, something I usually enjoy a lot. And I don't sleep very well. Doctor gave me an anti-depressant which is supposed to help me sleeping, but it did not help yet.
Well, maybe I just cannot expect too much in two days...
Thanks for listening,
Kirsten


Answer:
Kirsten - is there such a thing as government-paid medical leave in Germany? Do you have some financial options???
HUGS


Answer:
Usually your company will have to pay your full salary for 6 weeks, and after that, you'll get a sick-pay from your health insurance, which is 80% of your income.
Kirsten


Answer:
Kristin, good for you for not giving up on finding a medical cause for the
tiredness, etc. I do hope the Dr. can find the cause & proper treatment to
help you. I understand about needing to hang onto a steady income & am
glad your company understands you are working to help yourself. Hang in
there.Good luck with your next appointment.


Answer:
Working with computers myself, I understand the "trapped" feeling as it seems that NO ONE can fix a darn thing! At some jobs, I felt like I had to baby people around the computer, which is NO fun lol! A lot of times it seems that people expect too much because to them, working on a computer is so hard yet you make it look easy.
Take the time to relax, and figure out what is best for YOU! Some purr therapy couldn't hurt either


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I know how you feel. I sent you a PM.
I am going through the same thing as you...


Answer:
hugs to both of you


Answer:
Thank you all!
Lizbud, I almost hope that it's thyroid related, that way I can do something about it.
At some jobs, I felt like I had to baby people around the computer, which is NO fun lol!
Sounds familiar!!! It's often scary how little people know about computers!
I'll keep you updated!
Kirsten


Answer:
i had a case of burnout at a stressful job, too. i woke up crying, heart racing and just shaking with fear. i went to my doctor, she took me off work for a week, put me on meds and gave me great advice, to which, that i'm not irreplacable at my job. i'm irreplacable to alex, but work will get along without me. i might need the money, but i needed my life more. i got my life back, slowly, a piece at a time, and i'm happy, healthy and glad to be alive. take the week now, take the vacation, you've earned it, and you need it.


Answer:
joycenalex, I also have moments like that, sort of panic attacks from stress, I guess. I'm glad you seem to have found a way out of that mess! Your doctor was absolutely right and sounds like mine, and yes, they are right! If there wasn't this exintencial fears that I have.
Well, I will see if I'm still allowed to have my vacation now...
Kirsten


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Kirsten, I am just wondering how you are - I enjoyed your Lily and Luna photos and your zoo photos so very much! Hope your burn-out is not as bad as it was. Thinking and praying for you, with a hug... elyse


Answer:
Well, I saw my doctor again on Friday, and she told me to stay at home for another week. She said she would like to send me on sick leave for at least 4 weeks, but I cannot do that. I have to back next week, I cannot risk to lose my job!
I spent some time taking photographs and hoped that it would help me to relax, but it did not work. The fear of losing my job (or of other changes that may come, like working in shifts, etc.) is a heavy burden, and I cannot relax.
Today, I updated my parents' homepage (of their restaurant), and you know, usually I love this kind of work. But today, I had problems to concentrate on the html codes, and I messed them up; and I hated that work so much that I wanted to scream... What the hell is wrong with me??? I always loved working with computers, but these days, I cannot type three words in a row without tons of typos! How can I do my job next week in a state like this?!?
BTW, my blood test results were back on Friday and the TSH was too high (which means I need a higher dosage of my thyroid hormones), and my Vitamine D-level is still way too low, which means I have to take supplements for a very long time.
Kirsten


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I really hope you're feeling better soon. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}


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Hugs.